


Don't Marry Her

by supernaturaltimemachine



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: (one of my personal favorite tags), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Car Chases, Chief of Staff Edward Nygma, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Private Investigator Edward Nygma, Weddings, season 3/4 rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26280418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturaltimemachine/pseuds/supernaturaltimemachine
Summary: Edward finds out Oswald's getting married. He decides to put a stop to it.
Relationships: Edward Nygma/Leslie Thompkins, Isabella/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Sofia Falcone
Comments: 25
Kudos: 36





	1. Pre-Wedding Jitters

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired chiefly by [this tumblr post](https://bigforensicsenergyy.tumblr.com/post/627818338972729344/au-where-ed-finally-knows-what-he-really-wants-but) and some ideas for a season 3 rewrite that have been floating around in my head for a while. This is set mid season 4 with canon divergences that will be explained in the fic.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Ed swallowed thickly as the blade nipped into his skin. They both faced the boudoir mirror, and as he studied their reflections Ed couldn’t help but notice that he looked just like a snared mouse; Oswald a menacing bird of prey.

They stayed like that for a moment, Ed wrapped in Oswald’s deadly embrace, until Ed opened his mouth to speak.

“Let me state my case,” he choked, voice strained with the effort. 

“Fine. Then you leave.” 

At Ed’s nod of assent, Oswald released him, sighing in defeat and limping back to his chair in front of the mirror. “Be quick. I have a ceremony to get to.”

There were a few moments of silence. Ed set his jaw.  “It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. I’ve been able to do a lot of self-reflection.”

Oswald snorted.  “Is that what you call it?  _ Riddler _ ?” he scoffed, delicately applying a translucent powder to his face.

Indignant anger rose in Ed’s gut at the way Oswald had pronounced his name. 

“Fuck off.”

Oswald turned to look at him. His eyes swept over him judgmentally. “If that’s all you came to say, I’ll have you escorted out.” At Ed’s blank look, Oswald rolled his eyes. “Alright then. Vict-”

“Don’t marry her.” The words barely managed to slip past Ed’s lips. 

“What?” The mighty emperor Penguin was caught off guard.

“Don’t marry Sofia.” Louder, this time. Oswald turned to face him directly, pinning him with an icy stare.

“Why?” 

“Why? You know why,” Ed stated, taking a step forward and squaring his shoulders. 

Oswald gaped at him. He looked back to the mirror and braced himself on the countertop, shaking his head. Confused, Ed took another tentative step toward the shorter man. Oswald spun and brandished his knife once more, holding it millimeters away from Ed’s heart. Ed held up his hands in surrender.

“I have been second best for years,” Oswald growled lowly. “I will not be the person you settle for just because no one else would have you.”

“That’s not true.” Ed was surprised to realize that he was being honest. 

Oswald let out a joyless cackle. His grip on Ed’s neck tightened. “You’re hilarious. Am I just supposed to forget about Isabella? Lee? Those girls down at the Riddle Factory?” The cool blade pressed into the starched fabric of his suit. Ed winced. “I gave you everything, Edward, but I know rejection when I see it.”

“Rejection?” Ed sputtered. He brought down his hands, incensed. “You rejected  _ me _ !”

Oswald’s stormy eyes grew darker. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“When you were elected! And a multitude of times before that. I made my affections perfectly clear and you turned me down. I was  _ trying to move on _ .”

With the look Oswald gave him, you would assume Ed was the one holding the knife.

“You’re kidding.”

“I came here on the day of your wedding. Do I look like I’m kidding?”

Oswald shook his head silently. His mascara covered lashes quivered as he let the knife fall harmlessly to his side. “Why did you do it?”

“It was a purely strategic maneuver!”

“You had me deposed as a  _ strategic maneuver _ -”

“I was just-” 

“Don’t lie to me. Not today.”

Ed closed his mouth. 

A knock sounded at the door. Ed jumped.

“Mr. Cobblepot? Five minutes,” a muffled voice called through the wood.

“Yes, thank you,” Oswald replied, eyes searching Ed’s. He didn’t seem to find what he was looking for. “I believe that’s your cue to leave.”

“I just wanted to talk,” Ed pleaded.

“I’m getting married, Ed. It’s too late to do anything now.” Oswald’s expression was soft, almost warm. 

Ed nodded solemnly and turned to exit the room. 

“If you truly wanted to prove your loyalty, I would like you to attend the ceremony,” Oswald said casually as Ed stepped over the threshold. 

Ed stopped dead in his tracks. 

“And if I decline?” he asked, turning to face the other man.

“You’d let me down. And I’d never speak to you again,” Oswald crooned, slinking his way to the door. “Besides, it would look good to have the Riddler’s approval of our union.”

Ed pondered this a moment. “Are you sure you want him there? I hear the Riddler’s a troublemaker.”

“I’m counting on it.” 

And the door slammed in his face.

Ed Nygma chuckled and pulled a domino mask from his suit jacket. 

It was show time.


	2. Nothing Good Starts in a Getaway Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from [Getaway Car](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwzgfgw6zf4) by Taylor Swift.

The plan went off without a hitch. Now Edward Nygma was running through the back hallways of a church, carrying Oswald Cobblepot in his arms bridal style. Without a hitch unfortunately didn’t mean without pursuit, as Ed could hear many angry footsteps pounding after them. 

“I didn’t take you for a Catholic,” Ed panted as he ducked through an exit door.

“Mother was Russian-Orthodox,” Oswald sighed, “but Sofia insisted. At least the stained glass was pretty.”

Ed huffed through his nose and they both squinted at the daylight that suddenly surrounded them. Ed had had enough foresight to park near the exit, and within moments they were driving away from the scene. 

* * *

_ Ed thanked a God he didn’t believe in that Catholics had such long wedding ceremonies. It gave him just enough time to prepare. The first step was memorizing the floor plan of the church. It was old and labyrinthine enough that if you didn’t know your way around, you could get lost until the rapture.  _

* * *

“You’re going to have to switch cars soon,” Oswald muttered, looking behind his seat to watch scores of angry, finery-clad mobsters swarm the parking lot. 

“What do you take me for, an amateur?” Ed scoffed, guiding his car around a corner and pulling to a stop. 

* * *

_ Next was the vehicle. Ed had driven a rental to the church (just in case) but if all went according to plan, he’d need another ride. In a stroke of what he would call genius, he called a ride share and had them wait a few minutes away from the church. He didn’t worry about the bill.  _

_ From there it was simple. The church lighting was run by a computer program that was disturbingly easy to hack. The sound system was the same. He could access them both from his phone when the moment was right.  _

_ Ed grabbed a black trenchcoat from the lobby and slid it over his shiny green suit. He slipped into a back pew. For something so last-minute, this was shaping up to be one of his greatest performances yet. _

* * *

“Edward, put those puppy-dog eyes away,” Oswald said as he pulled out his wallet and handed a hundred to the driver. At her delighted expression he added, “There’s more in it for you if you step on it. Take us here.” He pulled out another folded piece of paper. Ed didn’t get to see the address before the driver nodded tentatively and stepped on the gas. 

Ed nestled into his seat and looked over at Oswald. The other man fidgeted with his umbrella. It looked new. It was a shade of silver that contrasted wonderfully with his deep plum suit. Ed wondered if Sofia had bought it for him. For a Falcone it would probably seem a trifle. He swallowed that unpleasant thought and instead asked a different question.

“How long until we get there?”

“Forty-five minutes,” chirped the driver. Meeting Oswald’s eyes she stuttered. “M-maybe thirty? Depends on traffic.”

Oswald grinned as wide as a shark and turned to face Ed. 

“So you wanted to talk.”

Ed swallowed, rubbing a grimy finger over the scratch on his neck. Before he could respond, he heard gunshots surrounding the car. Oswald’s window shattered. 

“Shit.”

Oswald rolled his eyes and reached for his umbrella. Ed’s eyes nearly jumped out of his skull when Oswald cranked the handle and it cocked like a gun. He fired a spray of warning bullets out of the hole where his window used to be. 

“Are you armed?” he yelled.

“I have a pistol,” Ed admitted sheepishly. 

“My hero. Hold on!” he shouted to the driver. She skidded to a stop. Ed’s head slammed against his window. Everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of this chapter? I think I'm going to update this fic every day. I have every chapter but the last one written. They're all relatively short but it felt right to pace them out like this.
> 
> Thanks again for reading/commenting/kudos-ing! It truly means the world. I'll be back tomorrow with a little interlude. See y'all then! <3


	3. ~Interlude~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabella asks Edward for a favor.

_ “You have to, Eddie. For Gotham. For  _ us _!” Isabella’s eyes shimmered with tears. She traced Ed’s jaw with her fingers. Ed bit his lip.  _

_ “There has to be another way. Someone else.”  _

_ “He doesn’t trust anyone else. It has to be you.” She smiled sadly as she stroked his cheek. “I thought you loved me,” she murmured. _

_ “I do!” Ed gasped. “I would do anything for you, Isabella. You know that.” _

_ “Then you’ll do this for me.” Her big eyes bored into his soul.  _

_ He winced, then put a hand on top of hers. “I will.” _

_ “Oh, Eddie!” She leaned in to kiss him. He ignored the turning of his stomach as she pulled away to whisper, “You truly are a hero.” _


	4. Cross My Heart

Ed woke up to a pair of brown eyes staring directly into his own. 

“Mmmph!” he grunted, realizing belatedly that his mouth had been duct taped shut. His body tried to flee in terror, but his limbs were similarly affixed to a chair. Victor Zsasz laughed. 

“Hey there, Nygma. Ready to play?” Ed shook his head violently, knocking off his glasses. Victor clapped his hands together. “I love it when they can’t see.”

“Alright Victor, enough.” A commanding feminine voice floated into the room. Ed squinted to try to make out the figure. 

The hazy shape came closer, crouching in front of him the way Zsasz had just moments earlier. From this distance Ed had no problem identifying the individual. Sofia Falcone put a hand on his head and gently ruffled his hair. He shrank away from the touch and she smiled at him sweetly, patting him once and then standing up. “We don’t want our guest to get the wrong idea, now do we?”

Ed heard a grunt from Victor’s general direction. He shivered. 

“Don’t worry about him,” Sofia said conversationally, “he’s just here as a precaution. You’d be much smarter to worry about me.” She circled his chair like a hungry lion.

“Oswald had quite a lot to say about you, Mr. Nygma. Or should I say Nashton?”

Ed stiffened.

He could practically hear the smirk in her voice as she continued, “You see, Ed, we have something in common. We like learning things.” She placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “For instance: I recently learned there is an unsolved double homicide on file at the GCPD that someone tried _extremely_ hard to bury. And I learned that you, Edward Nygma, enrolled at Gotham University shortly after that case was opened. Fascinating.” Ed did his best to control his breathing. “It would be interesting to see what would happen if someone, say, a journalist, learned this information too. But I wouldn’t let anything like that happen as long as you help me.” She turned to the side. “Victor, ungag him, please.”

Before Ed had enough time to process the request, the tape was ripped from his mouth.

“Ow!”

“Well?”

“What do you want?” Ed squinted again but it somehow made his surroundings appear even blurrier.

“An apology, for starters. An explanation. But mostly I want to know what you have on Oswald.”

“What?”

Sofia grabbed his tie and pulled until they were nose to nose. “Don’t play dumb with me. You must have something. Some secret that’s got him in the palm of your hand.”

“There’s nothing,” Ed stammered. “Not that I know of.”

Sofia frowned. “So you’re telling me he went with you willingly.”

Ed gave up trying to make out any nuance in her expression and chuckled. “Why don’t you ask him yourself? He’s your fiance, not mine.” The bite in his tone didn’t seem to have much effect. 

“That’s a good idea. Victor?”

“Boss?”

“Come with me. Lock the door behind you.”

“Sure thing, boss.” 

The excitement in the assassin’s voice had Ed on edge. 

Ed heard the sound of a heavy door closing and was surrounded by silence. 

* * *

“Alright!” Sofia began brightly as she reentered the room. “I mentioned needing your help. You obviously have some kind of pull over my fiance, so what I need from you is this: you’re going to describe, in detail, why you decided to crash my wedding.”

Ed scoffed. “I’m not telling you anything.”

Sofia leaned close to his ear. “I was hoping you were going to say that. Victor?”

A shout filled the room, followed by a pained whimper and an excited giggle from Zsasz. Ed would recognize that voice anywhere. 

“Well, Mr. Nygma, I presume the stakes have been raised to your liking.” Ed squirmed in his seat, and she ran a manicured hand over the wrinkles in his suit jacket. “If you don’t tell me what I want to know, our beloved Oswald takes the penalty.” Her hands stopped moving and she dug her nails into his shoulder. “So I’ll ask you again. Why did you ruin my wedding?”

Ed licked his lips. His mouth felt dry.

“My skin is green, I taste obscene-”

“Okay then. Victor?” Sofia interrupted. 

A shuffle of footsteps, and then-

“I was jealous!”

The movement stopped. He could almost feel the satisfied smile slide across Sofia’s lips. 

Ed’s chest felt light. He gasped for air.

“I was jealous,” he confessed, “ because you were marrying him.”

A moment passed in the room that Ed couldn’t read. Sofia hummed thoughtfully. 

“You must love him a lot, then.”

Ed opened his mouth to laugh but nothing came out. He tried again. Nothing. 

“Am I right, Edward?” she murmured. “Do you love him?” Ed inhaled sharply. Sofia smirked. “It’s a simple question.”

The only sound was silence, followed by a yelp from Oswald. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You’re lying,” Sofia stated. “Victor?”Her command was followed by a painful sounding thud and a groan. Ed cringed.

“I’m not.”

“You ruined his life! You destroyed his job, his reputation, and now you’re trying to take his marriage.” Sofia grabbed him by the jaw, sharp nails scratching his skin. “I’m a Falcone. I know manipulation when I see it. Do you think I’m just going to let you get away with that?” Her question was punctuated by another distant smack. 

“Stop hurting him,” a deep part of Ed growled. 

“His pain never seemed to bother you before.” 

* * *

_Flashbulbs burst with light as Ed steps up to the podium. There is a general roar from the crowd of journalists and angry Gothamites. Ed’s chest swells. This is all because of him._

_‘Maybe it was worth it,’ he thinks, slapping on his most convincing look of concern. He raises a gloved hand and the crowd quiets. He holds back a smirk._

_“Ladies and gentlemen of Gotham, I must begin with an apology. No city, especially one as beloved as ours, should have to experience the events that have taken place as of late. These thoughtless crimes and acts of terror are as horrifying as they are inexcusable, and I am deeply sorry they occurred.”_

_A murmur of agreement ripples through the crowd._

_“I’d also like to thank our police department for their excellent detective work.” He can barely hide the sarcasm in his voice. “It came as a complete shock to me when I discovered what our mayor had been doing. Of course I knew his past, we all did, but I truly believed he’d changed.” Ed makes a show of taking off his glasses and wiping his eyes. He clears his throat. “He was my best friend. It breaks my heart to think that all this time we had been living out a lie...” Ed lets himself trail off and stares into the middle distance. He counts to 7 before looking back down at his script. “He always said the only one a man could trust was himself. I suppose that was truer than I let myself believe._

_“Os-” he dramatically slips, noting the sympathetic gazes of the journalists below him, “Mr. Cobblepot is going back to Arkham. He is going to receive the treatment he needs there.” He takes a very loud breath before his grand finale. “I’m afraid I also have to announce my resignation. I have loved serving you all as chief of staff, but I feel my time has passed. Even though our time together was short, I’m sure our stories have only begun. Thank you.”_

_The applause is raucous. Ed surveys the crowd as he exits the stage. A flash of dark hair catches his eye and his chest tightens. He stumbles over himself and resists the urge to call out. He quickly regains his stride and rushes offstage but the uncomfortable feeling stays with him long after he leaves City Hall._

* * *

Sofia let go of his face and wiped her hands on her thighs. “Besides, after that stunt you pulled, you should be grateful it’s not happening to you.”

Ed deflated. “You’re right.”

“What?”

“This is all my fault.”

* * *

_Isabella leaves him a few weeks later._

_She claimed it just wasn’t working out, but deep down Ed knows why she left. What she saw. It hurts, but it reminds him who he is._

_As he burns her body he vows to rise from her ashes. He’s going to be the most magnificent thing Gotham has ever seen. They will bow before him._

_As soon as he can figure out a name._

* * *

“Whatever you’re planning on doing to Oswald you should do to me.”

“Hmm.” Sofia pondered this a moment. “Sounds fair. What do you think, Victor?”

“As long as there’s a job; I’m happy, boss.” 

* * *

_In a few months, Ed has completely remade himself. He’s moved to the Narrows. It’s a surprisingly safe place for someone like him. The police are virtually never around, and if you keep your head down most people will ignore you. This privacy has its ups and downs. When Ed’s wallet is stolen he has to deal with it himself. It’s easy to track down the culprit: a skinny, wide eyed child, and teach him a lesson. Ed leaves the encounter with more cash than when he started, and puts it to the back of his mind._

_Then he gets a knock on his door. A woman is asking for his help locating her missing husband. As it turns out, the lack of police presence in the Narrows leads to a lot of unsolved crimes. The people simply do not trust law enforcement to deal with their problems, and Ed can’t find it within himself to blame them. He takes the case (for a fee) and soon becomes known as the Narrows’ resident private investigator. There’s almost more work there than he can manage._

_After a while, Lee “The Doc” Thompkins comes by to ask him for a favor. She’s opened a clinic and needs fresh medical supplies._

_“I don’t trust you, Ed, but I understand you,” she appeals. “We’re both doing something for these people. This is just one more way for you to use your ‘talents’ for good.”_

_He knows about her new reputation. He also knows how respected she is by the community. He agrees in exchange for her public endorsement._

_They shake hands._

* * *

Sofia stroked Ed’s cheek once more. “Word of advice,” she coos, “swimming with sharks is easier before there’s blood in the water.” Moments later a burlap sack was tossed over Ed’s head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's Sofia! Also some more flashbacks!  
> This is (so far) the longest chapter in this fic. I went through and reworked it 3 or 4 times before settling on this version, but I think I'm happy with how it turned out.  
> Let me know how you felt about it! I love to see your reactions.


	5. My Thoughts Are With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from [September](https://youtu.be/Gs069dndIYk) by Earth Wind & Fire.

The sack smells musty and vaguely of sweat. Ed wonders if it had been used for this purpose before. Given who put it on his head, probably. 

Zsasz is in the front singing along to some disco song Ed has never heard before. Zsasz’s humming combined with the low rumble of the car is almost soothing. Since he can’t stare out the window or join Zsasz in his serenade, Ed loses himself in thought.

* * *

_ When Lee convinces Ed to take some shots with her after one of his cases goes particularly well, things change. Lee cannot hold her liquor. After a few drinks she’s monologuing about Gordon and how badly he’d treated her. _

_ “I’d never do that to you,” Ed remarks.  _

_ “You’re right,” she stammers, eyes widening.  _

_ Ed hardly knows what’s happening before she grabs his tie and pulls him in for a kiss. He has no problem with it at all.  _

* * *

_ Eventually, Oswald gets out of Arkham.  _

_ Lee shows him the headline in the newspaper. Apparently his previous ‘breakdown’ was caused by ‘stress’, and he’s ready to enter society again. Ed chuckles at the thought.  _

_ He chooses not to reach out. He tells himself it’s because Oswald can handle himself, and that he has an empire to rebuild on his own. It just makes more sense to leave well enough alone.  _

_ He keeps an eye on the news, though.  _

_ The Penguin aids the GCPD in unearthing some city-wide conspiracy. Ed’s a little miffed that he wasn’t the one to expose them. It would have been great for business.  _

_ He can’t dwell on this too long, though. Narrows residents have started going missing and the Narrows are buzzing with nervous tension. Lee starts putting pressure on him, going on about how much these people trust him and how it’s his duty to keep them safe.  _

_ He’s more worried about how it’s going to look on his record.  _

_ Ed sweeps the streets looking for anything that could explain the disappearances. After several days straight of investigating, the only thread Ed can find is that everyone going missing was from the Narrows, and all of them had been his clients.  _

_ It isn’t long before the rest of the Narrows catch on.  _

_ Ed packs his bags. As he empties his closet, he notices something on the wood panelling. A fresh patchwork of scratches curved into the shape of an umbrella.  _

* * *

Zsasz turns off the radio as the car slides to a stop. 

“We’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna take a break from this fic for a few days. I know exactly what I want to happen in the next chapter or two, but the actual words are escaping me. HOWEVER! I will be posting a special one-shot tomorrow (the 8th) so look out for that!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this fic so far! We're in the home stretch, I promise <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you liked it, maybe consider [buying me a coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/lateralorg) If you want to chat, PLEASE dm me [on tumblr](https://lateral-org.tumblr.com/)! I'm also on twitter @/crowleys_hair. 
> 
> Kudos and comments greatly appreciated <3


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